How I met your Mother: A Letter to Children who never were


When I met your mother:

We were both in one of those non-relationships: you know that kind of relationship long dead that really is just waiting on someone to put it out of its misery.


Why I met your mother:

When I met your mother, I realized that she would be your mother because I think we really wanted more than a non-relationship. We realized it could work because we realized that being together was not a major effort of compromise or pretense.


Where I met your mother at:

The art gallery of the Museum of Americas in Washington D.C.


How I met your mother:

We were both invited to show in an art exhibition and talk about our work.


The night I met Theresa, I went home and called my sister and said “I’ve just met the woman I’m going to marry”. I never said that to Theresa because it did not need saying. I had spoken about marriage with my previous girlfriend. My previous ‘girlfriend’ said that was a great thing to say when things were going well, and a stupid thing to say on the many, many, many other occasions. My prior relationship was one of those relationships that my mother describes as just sliding into marriage. The relationship is just so dead that it needs something to add excitement, and marriage appears to offer that excitement. However, it provides excitement but no passion. It would have been simply the continuation of the pretense of a relationship.

After our initial meeting, your mother and I became friends. We both went back into our non-relationships, each thinking that the other was committed elsewhere.

I suppose the transition into a relationship came when we went to New York for the day and I realized that I  actually preferred spending time with someone who offered something more than a grinding unfeeling disconnected pretense of a relationship, that had stopped being even a friendship.

We went on a couple of extra ‘dates’ before declaring that we were a couple. Each date was an art related venture, so we were really doing something that we both enjoyed. Theresa and I still cannot define our first date. As she would tell you, she read a book about Australian men and it is impossible to tell what is a date and what is not a date.

So, finally the non-dates became a relationship replacing for each of us a non-relationship with dates.


I think for me, the final realization came when my ‘girlfriend’ asked me who this woman was who I was planning on showing with (we exhibited art together after meeting, and have shown together several times). I realized that if she asked me why I was with her and not this other woman, I would be unable to answer the question honestly. I would have to have replied “I have no idea why I am with you”.



Anyway, my children who never were, that is how I met your mother.







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